Still Standing

“Each and every element that exists in this universe is manifested from a thought first
Through the inner mind's eye of the unseen power in the sky
Gave birth to Mother Earth and all it's worth to you and I
This most loved invention, my conciousness is an extensionof Him,
yet I'm flesh and bone with a mind of my own
To dig deeper than the surface,
whether I learn from your upcomings or your downfalls
we all have individual purpose”
Cee-Lo of Goodie Mob “Still Standing”

What an amazing week, most of my friends have been saying, when we are off Monday the week seems so much longer. Ahhh, not to me young grasshoppers. This week has been great! No matter how my day goes, or the remainder of my week man I feel great. I don’t know what it is…wait yes I do. I’m Blessed man. That’s what keeps me feeling exquisite.

Nope, haven’t got a new place—however I looked at the place in Alpharetta yesterday (it’s not Dunwoody but eh---I like it.) The owner is supposed to make a decision today. Cross your fingers. If I get it you’re all invited to the pool for a little party. (SIKE!) I don’t know all of you suckas! (Just kidding I love you all like play cousins from around the corner.)

I also haven’t had any change in school except I am going to sit out the summer quarter stack and come back and bust a hole in this school situation. I guess I am *still standing*

*SIDE NOTE*

Why was DeepNThought In Columbus at the same time as me and I missed her??? *UGH*

An Open Letter from a Blessed Sinner

"They ask me, do I believe in God
So I ask them, did I defeat the odds?"
J-Kwon "They Ask"

Dear God,

You know I want to be a better person, it's normally during the middle/end of the week that I realize how Blessed I am. It's been a long week, but not an impossible one, I'm so Blessed to be able to stand tall, fall, and get back up. The Blessing you've shown me is not in the standing nor is it in the falling, but it's the ability to get back up. For that I thank you Lord.

I thank you for lessons Lord, because I am so young and I have so much to learn. So I thank you for test, trials, and tribulations because I've learned that testimonies, come from true tests.
I thank you Lord for the gift of silence, I have said very few words during this week. Not because I am upset or irritable but because silence is such a beautiful gift and I cherish the gift.

I've learned that sometimes hell is around you, and you still have to have Heaven. Thank you God for giving me an inner peace. Thank you for allowing my mother, grandmother, and women of my church to teach me that inner peace. Where to find it, how to hold onto it, and how to walk with my head held high in that full armour of peace.

I've learned "friends still claim they want to see me with Sunshine and Rainbows," but they will call all the way to Japan to try to shit on my rainbow and piss on my sun. I've learned those same friends can KICK rocks dirty basturds! Thank you for that lesson Lord.

Lord you know my heart, so I find it so easy to sit down and type an open letter to you. Profanity and all, because I know that you know everyday, every moment, is a struggle...still I am pushing forward because each step is one that will bring me closer to the person I need to be. Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one understands....

Lord thank you for the weight. There are some who can't carry so I'm Blessed to feel the weight. I thank you for tears Lord, because maybe I need to cry every once in a while just so I can see clearly again.
Lord, I thank you...
C.

Wind Down Wednesday

*Ed Note if you asked me a question in the comments, I just started responding to those a few days ago lol so I may have responded there.*

"The time has come for bad things to end

The time has come for life to begin"

Ludacris War With God.

Well, it’s Wind down Wednesday. Okay for some it’s still Tuesday, but for me it’s Wednesday. I’ve never really been a “sleeper,” actually neither is my mother or grandmother. Maybe I inherited something. Either way I am usually up until roughly 2,3,4 in the morning. Then I sleep for an hour or two go to class and move on with my day.
You know, I feel so blessed, high favored, and undeserving of the life I live. Granted there are good days, as well as bad days, but most importantly there are days. I could have laid down and took the sleep of death. But instead, here I am awake, blessed to live another day. Thank you God.
Sometimes I wonder what did I do that was so amazing that God continues to bless me. The answer-nothing. But yet it still happens. I want to be a better person. I feel like I don’t try hard enough at times. People tell me I am a good person, one person even told me , “your mother raised some wonderful children.” That made me feel great.
But I still want to try harder to be a better person. Better for my mother who worked all day, attended school all night while trying to become a teacher, and enduring her husband who was cheating on her, but still had time just for me. For my sister who is a 22 year old officer in the US Army and believes in fighting for my right to live in this country that I take for granted quite often yet still has the innocence to laugh at the jokes printed on the laffy taffy candy. For my little brother who is 8 and has to know that I love him more than life itself because I tell him on a daily basis, even when he makes a 3 or 4 in school, knowing he is capable of a perfect 5 in behavior.
For that dude, who is more than anyone could ever understand. To have your bestfriend support you like no one else on the planet, even though you won’t commit, you can be difficult on purpose, you’re afraid to love him whole heartedly, you fear the idea of waking up and he’s not around, and he knows all this and still puts up with your *ish daily.
For friends that put up with my insecurities, my constant questions of my ability, and my talent and slap me back into reality. Those who feel like I am so strong, they can lean on me at any given moment, and those who have seen me weak and have let me crumble, put me back together again, and sent me on my way.
For my stepfather’s parents, my grandparents, who talk that crack to me. Translation: they talk that addictive talk, the talk that pushes me to be a better person, to strive to walk forward rather than backwards because I have choices and they did not.

For my unborn children who have to know that I am so in love with them even though they have yet to come into existence.
For you for reading my thoughts, making me laugh with your comments, and relating to my thoughts, pain, and struggles. Last but not least for me because I need to be a better person, I need to succeed, because I just need..it is because of these reasons I want to strive to be a better person. Lord Help Me.