Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Wind Down Wednesday

*Ed Note if you asked me a question in the comments, I just started responding to those a few days ago lol so I may have responded there.*
"The time has come for bad things to end
The time has come for life to begin"
Ludacris War With God.
Well, it’s Wind down Wednesday. Okay for some it’s still Tuesday, but for me it’s Wednesday. I’ve never really been a “sleeper,” actually neither is my mother or grandmother. Maybe I inherited something. Either way I am usually up until roughly 2,3,4 in the morning. Then I sleep for an hour or two go to class and move on with my day.
You know, I feel so blessed, high favored, and undeserving of the life I live. Granted there are good days, as well as bad days, but most importantly there are days. I could have laid down and took the sleep of death. But instead, here I am awake, blessed to live another day. Thank you God.
Sometimes I wonder what did I do that was so amazing that God continues to bless me. The answer-nothing. But yet it still happens. I want to be a better person. I feel like I don’t try hard enough at times. People tell me I am a good person, one person even told me , “your mother raised some wonderful children.” That made me feel great.
But I still want to try harder to be a better person. Better for my mother who worked all day, attended school all night while trying to become a teacher, and enduring her husband who was cheating on her, but still had time just for me. For my sister who is a 22 year old officer in the US Army and believes in fighting for my right to live in this country that I take for granted quite often yet still has the innocence to laugh at the jokes printed on the laffy taffy candy. For my little brother who is 8 and has to know that I love him more than life itself because I tell him on a daily basis, even when he makes a 3 or 4 in school, knowing he is capable of a perfect 5 in behavior.
For that dude, who is more than anyone could ever understand. To have your bestfriend support you like no one else on the planet, even though you won’t commit, you can be difficult on purpose, you’re afraid to love him whole heartedly, you fear the idea of waking up and he’s not around, and he knows all this and still puts up with your *ish daily.
For friends that put up with my insecurities, my constant questions of my ability, and my talent and slap me back into reality. Those who feel like I am so strong, they can lean on me at any given moment, and those who have seen me weak and have let me crumble, put me back together again, and sent me on my way.
For my stepfather’s parents, my grandparents, who talk that crack to me. Translation: they talk that addictive talk, the talk that pushes me to be a better person, to strive to walk forward rather than backwards because I have choices and they did not.
For my unborn children who have to know that I am so in love with them even though they have yet to come into existence.
For you for reading my thoughts, making me laugh with your comments, and relating to my thoughts, pain, and struggles. Last but not least for me because I need to be a better person, I need to succeed, because I just need..it is because of these reasons I want to strive to be a better person. Lord Help Me.

6 comments:

Biby Cletus said...

Nice post, its a really cool blog that you have here, keep up the good work, will be back.

Warm Regards

Biby Cletus - Blog

Consistently Inconsistent... said...

Thank you very much. I appreciate you stopping by.

Kayla said...

Girl!!! This was a deep post. I think you have got to be one of the most intelligent people. I love that you can put it all on the line and say, I am not perfect, and then show vulnerability and ask the Lord to help you. Or say how much you need "that dude," you do have strength you just may not know it. And you are amazing. I hope you make it as a rapper because we need people who are real who hurt, who laugh, who enjoy. Thank you for letting me share in your world.
I am sorry to go on but I really felt this post!

PS The Dawn?

Consistently Inconsistent... said...

@ Kayla, thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I am not more intelligent then the next. But I thank you for the compliment.

The Dawn comes from Prince, he used to say may you live to see the Dawn, he actually said it for 10 years on every album. Then he got released from his contract that Warner Bros. had him tied to for 99 years and he opened the very next album with..Welcome to the Dawn.

This was sort of like my wake up post...so I called it The Dawn.

daz said...

UPDATE!

T.C. said...

*smilin*
and because you are, and because you are consistently striving...you will be...
peace, blessings, and hugs